Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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