Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
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