I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
her facebook's as public as her vagina
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize
