I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
