He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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