the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
