i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
