im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
