so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
