actually, I'm a sock model
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
