It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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