you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
