Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
