As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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