I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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