You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
