Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I wish you could order shots online.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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