this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Randomize
