im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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