Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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