Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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