she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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