Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
