Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
