i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
