I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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