and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
