i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Randomize
