I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
