and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Who died my cat blue again?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
