Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
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