You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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