We named our party play list daddy issues
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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