i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
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