I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
