So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
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