you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Randomize
