your thong is hanging out like whoa
butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
