she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
You're earring is so big in my mouth
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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