I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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