Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Randomize
