i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
