Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
