Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
