i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
