batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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