if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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