Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
