We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
