Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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