I must be too annoying 4 u.
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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