If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
