the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
