the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
