I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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